Mindfulness practice is something that we are not supposed to measure.  There’s no right, no wrong.  You can’t be “good” or “bad” at it, you are just in the moment or you’re not.  You begin, again and again, not in order to achieve a special state, but just to be exactly as you are right now.  I repeatedly use these terms when guiding practice and as best I can I do try to live by this idea of non-attachment and non-striving.

However, it will inevitably get the better of us.  We all have that doing mind that wants to know if this is “working” or bringing some tangible benefit.  This is quite natural.  After all, regular mindfulness meditation practice demands a radical shift in perspective and lifestyle as we repeatedly find time in our busy schedules to sit and be.  The question of “why do I do this?” will inevitably arise.  So for today, I’m going to indulge myself for a few moments and reflect on a profound change in my attitude that occurred to me whilst practicing:

“I take myself and my life way less seriously than I used to”.

Is that it?  That’s the big change that makes all this sitting worthwhile?!? Well, yes.  Hidden in that phrase “I take myself less seriously” is the development of an attitude that embraces self-compassion, acceptance and a willingness to be imperfect and to fail.  It doesn’t mean resignation or not trying to achieve goals – it just lets us off the hook of not being allowed to fail.

This is the greatest gift that anyone could’ve given me and it arose spontaneously through my personal meditative practice, although I must emphasise the slowness of this change.  There was no “a-ha” moment or sudden flash of realisation.  This atttude was built imperceptibly, like the very slow flowing of grains of sand from one locale to another until a small mound of change in attitude is visible.

The great thing about mindfulness practice is that compassion, both towards other but crucially towards the self, develops naturally.  It is this resource that allows one to have self-belief and self-acceptance without reference or in comparison to others.  This means that your self worth is a lot more stable as it does not rely on competing or striving with an “other”, be they real or imagined (we all have that invisible ideal that drivers us endlessly whilst punishing us for not reaching impossible levels or goals we set and re-set).  Kristin Neff has some excellent work on this very subject, all of which is accessible, inspiring and reliable.  She points to the idea that self-compassion is obtainable and better for us as we do not need to see ourselves only in relation to the achievements or lack thereof of others.

This compassion allows me to be imperfect, allows me to fail and to accept the “mud” that is part of my existence and this is why I take my life less seriously.  A perfect example came to me recently when teaching a group, several of whom really did not want to be practicing any kind of meditation.  During my talk I could see several people rolling their eyes and giggling amongst themselves.  I could also overhear disparaging comments about mindfulness and myself in their group discussions.  Previously this would’ve triggered my insecurities about not being good enough.  I would’ve either closed down or perhaps even become verbally belligerent, trying to win through force of knowledge and intellect.  Surprisingly I actually found their reaction amusing.  I could recall how at an earlier point in my life I too would’ve been the sceptic dismissing the idea of meditation as a valid practice.  Rather than rile me I actually was able to take it in good humour and most importantly, I didn’t feel the need to assert my opinion or worth to others in order to feel comfortable.

This, I believe, is because of the way I have shifted my perspective on myself, what I do and, crucially, what I need to be in order to be accepted.  I still “stumble”.  I still regularly find the old habits of wanting to do things right so other people will accept me rearing their head but they have less impact and I’m able to be me – warts and all – with a much higher level of comfort.

As Thich Nhat Hahn says: “To be beautiful means to be yourself.  You don’t need to be accepted by others.  You need to be yourself”.  Being myself is something I am now happy to be.